Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
