I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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