I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
