my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
