my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize