sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
