You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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