Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
