pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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