I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
