Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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