I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
