thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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