I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
