He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize