Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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