you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
