Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
