I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
