Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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