he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You were trust falling into bushes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
