Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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