It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
