you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
