He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
