What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
