I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
