I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
