So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
