At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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