An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
