In the future we'll all be gay
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
