True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So much Jack, so little girl.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
