Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
