This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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