There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
