No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
