my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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