I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
