i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
