We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
