You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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