you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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