I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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