Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ketchup is God's man juice
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
