i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
