I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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