i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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