Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
