I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
