btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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