Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
