he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish i was in the wii world.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
