you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
