love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize