508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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