You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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