dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
