If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You work out of a Hotel?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
