You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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