I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
