She's JV to your varsity
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
