I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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