This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
