i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
