singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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