...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
