you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have post one night stand depression
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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