Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
