She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
