I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
