Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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