I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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