i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
