i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
