So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
