I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
