I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
