Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize