he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
