please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He did a backflip because drugs
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