I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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