Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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